I’m obsessed with self-mastery.
I’m my biggest roadblock, but also my biggest opportunity.
Back in 2017, when I graduated college, reality hip-checked me into the dirt. I was jobless, lived with my parents, and felt sorry for myself.
But feeling sorry gets about as much done as a kid whose dad is making them do yard work on a Saturday morning. You have to pick yourself up, wipe the dirt off, and ask, “What can I do to take control of my life?”
Author Ryan Holiday recently tweeted his simple rules for a better life, and I couldn’t agree more with them. So if you’re in a rut or looking to level up, use these rules as a recipe for mental toughness and resilience.
And here’s how using them has made me happier.
1. “Own the morning”
Small wins happen in the A.M.
It’s when beds are made, teeth are brushed, and coffee is brewed. The morning sets the tempo for the rest of the day.
I tell myself, “If I can get out of bed, I can do the stressful work.”
When you own the morning, you’re in control.
But this process starts the night before. I own the morning by planning tomorrow, today. That means:
Time blocking my day with personal and work tasks
Cleaning any mess I left behind
Sleeping on a consistent schedule
I used to wake up without a plan and stress-work until my tasks were done for the day. This loop would continue.
Now, I prioritize preparation, and I’m at ease going to sleep knowing the next day is under control.
2. “Only focus on what’s in your control”
Letting my burdens go was a necessary step toward finding inner peace.
I used to let every breakup, failure, political disagreement — essentially, every pain in my life dictate my mood. It still happens from time to time. I get acne sometimes, and it annoys me — life isn’t easy.
But when things out of my control came into my life, I’d waste precious energy wondering, “What if?”
Then I reflected on the laws of thermodynamics, the first of which says:
The total amount of energy contained within the universe will never change.
Yeah, I’m getting scientific on you, but what if humans are the same? Thermodynamics, or energy transfer, is a mental model we can use.
We eat food for energy, but in life, energy is finite. We need to be very picky about where and what we put our energy toward. Don’t waste it on:
Seeking validation
Negative thoughts or self-doubt
Commenting on social media posts
Getting caught up in drama or conflicts that don’t involve you
Mark Manson would say, we only have so many f@#ks to give.
Of course, I care what my parents think. I care what my girlfriend thinks. People who matter and who support your visions should have a seat at your table.
There are only three things you can control in life:
How you react to a situation
How you choose to respond to a situation
Your thoughts and beliefs about a situation
Ignore energy that does not serve you. Focus inward.
3. “Treat success and failure the same”
I tend to get excited by success but overwhelmed by failure.
But I remember what my high school football coach would say:
“Act like you’ve done this before.”
After winning my senior homecoming game, I was ecstatic, but I kept it inside. I knew I’d lose one day, whether on or off the field, and I wanted to balance out the feeling so I could thrive on positivity always.
Recognize that both success and failure are part of the learning process. This game is endless, and failures are prerequisites to future success.
Life isn’t something that you constantly need to win at. It’s a game, but you play at your own pace because there are unlimited levels, side quests, and treasures to find.
4. “Constantly ask ‘is this necessary?’”
In 2023, I’m living by Essentialism.
If I’m approached with a task, I not only ask if it’s necessary but if the task serves me. Is it something I can leverage?
If my outputs are directly related to my inputs, it’s a no for me because knowing my worth is how I advance in the grand game.
I progress by eliminating or delegating unnecessary tasks that do not contribute to my success.
Prioritize tasks that align with your goals and values, and eliminate or delegate tasks that do not contribute to your success.
By doing so, you can focus on essential tasks and increase your productivity, which ultimately leads to career advancement and personal growth.
Learn how I save 2 hours daily by removing four useless things that don’t serve me.
5. Love your fate (Amor Fati)
“Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.”— Marcus Aurelius
I believe everything happens for a reason.
My rejectionfrom UCLA, even though I thought I was more than qualified, was a tough pill to swallow, but it meant one thing:
I had room to grow where I was. And grow, I did.
I landed jobs and internships that set the tone for my career, and now I’m an early player in a kickass startup. I don’t wonder, “What if?” I live day-to-day and embrace serotonin as the chemical that drives my daily decisions.
Fate is what you make it. You are the only one who can control your destiny. Understand this and thrive in happiness.
Embrace your past experiences and use them to shape your present and future.
Accept and find meaning in all life events, both positive and negative
Cultivate gratitude and appreciation for the present moment and what it has to offer
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